You’ve arrived at the capstone post for better living! Congratulations! If you review the penultimate post, “understanding attraction,” you’ll notice that the attraction activities I have encouraged are much more than things to do, they are ways to be. Being, not Doing. And that, of course, is what Better Living is all about. Being who you are, rather than doing what you think is expected of you.
You need energy to be you. Energy sources in your life are a lot like energy sources in the environment: clean, or unclean. In choosing attraction, you are connecting with a clean, “forward-focused” source of energy. Sure, there are other sources of energy…the friction of dissatisfaction, the adrenaline created from the rush to a deadline, the “power” of being a martyr.
Statements like: “I don’t work well under pressure, but it is the only time I work”
“If I’m not in crisis, how do I know I’m breathing?”
may be funny utterances in the moment, but they certainly are not “clean.” They take a toll…and year after year, the toll increases. You receive clean, renewable energy from being at choice with better living.
In the integrity post, I said that with integrity, you are comfortably and effortlessly aware of what is going on in you, and around you, because you have integrated all the aspects of yourself. It is from this source of awareness—integrity—that you can select your better living choices. You can choose to respond, or you can choose not to respond. Additionally, you can choose HOW to respond.
Being at choice is liberating. It frees you up. What’s more, it “unshackles” the other people in your life, too. Because you’ve stopped reacting internally, you are no longer reacting externally with others. You have released them from your expectations. You are letting them be. As Anne LaMott stated so eloquently: “Expectations are resentments under construction.” What a relief for all!
Through your better living choice of responsiveness, you create an environment where others can be at choice to respond as well. Letting someone “be” illustrates the wonderful paradox of human interactions. By letting go of the expectations you have for another, you untether your presumed control in the relationship. Yet that is the only way to foster affirmative choice for each to BE in the relationship! Do less, be more.
Now what? Well, of course, you get to choose! The coaching topics I’ve selected for this series are what I believe make up the essential components for your better living center. I hope that you engaged in the process, and have “constructed” your better living center to allow authentic expression of yourself. So, as with all things of value, I encourage you to continue to assess and invest in maintaining your better living center.
Save your notes, and select a time to review them. On January 1? Perhaps at your birthday? Every time you have a big transition? Whatever makes best sense, make a date with yourself, and keep it.
With kind curiosity, proceed:
• You’ll notice that your needs will change, and tolerations may creep back. That’s ok! Just assess what needs to be handled, and do it thoroughly.
• It’s likely you’ll choose to raise your standards…therefore, assess if your boundaries will need to be shored-up, too.
• Consider your valuables. Are they remaining central in your choices? If not, look at your integrity sheets. Do you need to tap back into a neglected dimension of yourself?
• Are you finding more gifts? How are you expressing them?
• What more have you learned about attraction and being “at choice?”
Take good care, and enjoy better living!
Mary Ellen Sailer, Ed.D.