Understanding Attraction


Here is where better living gets really enjoyable!  Remember the shift that occurred when you named what you most treasured? In the post entitled “the treasures of your life,” I wrote:

This new value orientation will also cause a dramatic shift in your better living “propulsion.” Through the declaration and revelation of your core treasures, you will now be pulled forward by them. They’ll clearly illuminate your better living path, purpose, and vision.

This, in fact is the nexus of attraction in better living. You can’t work to achieve it. Attraction comes naturally when you’re in integrity, when you are allowing yourself to reveal what you treasure.  Adding value is attractive.   Self-promotion isn’t needed, and it actually works in opposition with attraction.

Consider the following:

  • How do you define attraction?
  • What people do you find attractive? Why?
  • Do others find you attractive? How do you know?

With attraction, chasing and pursuing is over. Instead, good things come to you. Because of all the steps you’ve followed to achieve better living, good people, good experiences, goodness are all attracted to YOU.

The critical thing to understand about attraction is that it is essential for quality connections. When you work on the quality of you, the connections occur. (When you force the connections, you come off as needy, which is NOT attractive!)

Attraction Behaviors that engender quality connections for better living include:

  • Tell people who they are, not just what they do.  Show that you care!  Let them know how they impact you.
  • Want “for” others, and on behalf of others, regardless of whether they “want for” them selves.  Sharing your enthusiasm for them builds caring connections.
  • Behave.  One of the best speeches I ever heard expounded on the thesis that the number one responsibility of a leader is to BEHAVE!  Resolve the problems and concerns you have, because they are yours. That is what an adult does.  Period.
  • Don’t pretend to be someone else.
  • Listen with the intent to be influenced.  Back when we began this path to better living, I encouraged you to eschew “problem solving” for curiosity.  To really listen to someone is to have no expectations regarding what they will say.  It requires you to be fully present.  It requires you to NOT TALK.  Listen…and learn.
  • Be constructive.  For example, being a learner is attractive, being a know-it-all is not.  When you are working with someone, think about what to say, and how to say it, in a way that advances their learning.  Be constructive in your conversations and in your interactions with everyone.
  • Deliver.  Deliver what you promise…and more.  No, this isn’t about your old, “needy ways,” when you said yes but meant NO.  It’s a whole new orientation to others.  With your clear standards, and strong boundaries, you know what, and who, you want to invest in.   So say yes to providing less, and choose to give more.  It will delight them!

By focusing on these behaviors, good things will come to you. You won’t have to chase them. You will be a role model, without striving for the title of “role model.” How cool is that?

© 2011
Mary Ellen Sailer, Ed.D.

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3 Responses to Understanding Attraction

  1. Ackerman says:

    Impressive STICK WITH IT!

  2. Kim says:

    Great! Thanks for a clear informative post, I’ve learned a lot.

  3. Peter Westlund says:

    Yap, this is very important. Leaders needs to be themselves, honest to self and others, and walk the talk. This becomes attractive and creates a positive environment.

    Peter Westlund

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